From Cairo's theatrical charm to Berlin's sober stoicism, Madi Awadalla explores why one of the world's trendiest cities seems so erotically challenged and why it's time to bring playful flirtation back to the streets

This is not an advice column. Yet, for reasons that remain a mystery to me, members of our bewildered queer community have asked me to offer guidance on the affairs of sex and l’amour. Why me? An excellent question, dear reader, and one I ask myself. My own romantic affairs are hardly a model of intimate bliss. But before you dismiss my two cents, allow me to present my credentials. Long before I began writing columns in Kreuzkölln cafés with questionable coffee prices, I talked about sex for a living. For years, complete strangers entrusted me with the most intimate details of their sexual desires and adventures – strictly in a professional capacity. And while this didn’t make my own love life less dysfunctional, we can agree that many become experts without getting their hands dirty. Just look at academia.

I have also had the pleasure, and sometimes misfortune, of flirting and dating across different cultures. Since moving from Cairo to Berlin, I’ve noticed something peculiar. Berlin seems erotically challenged. Egyptians are famously flirtatious. We understand that flirting is not simply a declaration of interest but an invitation into a little fantasy. A compliment need not be a factual assessment. It can be an exaggeration, a provocation, a little theatrical performance. It is about making someone feel desirable and more daring.

"Berlin is populated by an astonishing number of beautiful people averse to showing attraction."

Berlin, on the other hand, is populated by an astonishing number of beautiful people averse to showing attraction. Everyone is playing hard to get. Smiling at someone can be a radical act or social deviance. Once, after flirting with someone, he asked me, “Are you high?” I wasn’t. Apparently, the possibility of expressing desire while sober had not occurred to him. And I cannot count the times I learned someone was attracted to me only after they became sufficiently intoxicated to admit it.

Which brings me to my unsolicited advice. Flirting is not a business transaction or a German bureaucratic procedure with an Antragsfrist. Not every compliment needs to lead to sex, romance or even an exchange of phone numbers. Sometimes the pleasure is in making someone smile, blush, laugh or momentarily forget what they were doing. You needn’t be terribly clever. Say hello. But don’t end there. Ask how they’re doing. Say something silly, playful, outrageous even. Create a little possibility where none existed. If nothing comes of it? Congratulations, you’ve still had a flirtation.

Berlin doesn’t need more workshops on radical softness or attachment styles, but rather a bit less self-importance and more imagination. Still, if you’re interested, I’m taking applications for Flirting in Berlin: A Crash Course in Unrequited Pleasures. Early-bird discounts for the emotionally available.